The magic number

At the gym today I was stretching before yoga next to a large set of scales and was amazed at the heavy traffic of people on and off the scales. I glanced at their faces as the magic number appeared on the screen.

Not long ago every morning I would weigh myself and even record it to keep a running tally. I convinced myself it was research.  This sounds helpful in theory until it became a sort of obsession. The problem was that the number that appeared on the screen determined my mood for the day.  A weight reduction meant a happy day and a weight gain meant a miserable day.

In essence, I used to believe the number on the scales determined who I was. Our physical appearance is a major part of our sense of self. I would tell myself I would be happy when I am 5kg lighter. It is also interesting to note that after losing my husband and being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis I felt like I had lost control of my life. To reclaim some control I turned my energy to  monitoring and controlling my weight.

Ultimately, I became my harshest critic. Some people may be surprised to read this because often we see our imperfections while others don’t even notice them.

Beauty is not only physical, it’s a way of thinking about yourself – it comes from within – Miranda Kerr

My mind became a great storyteller broadcasting negative thoughts like a radio that never stops. Knowing what I think about myself was my first step in challenging these negative beliefs and thoughts.  Now I think, “Why wait forever to be happy”? I have begun to treasure myself – I am whole, complete and perfect just as I am.

So the scales have gone and I am trying to just be authentically who I really am. I get to be ‘real’ not only with others, but most importantly with myself.